The Things We Cannot Say (2019) Parents Guide: Is the book OK for kids?

The book contains references to historical sexual violence, specifically the threat and reality of rape by soldiers during the Nazi occupation of Poland. Alina faces terrifying moments where her bodily autonomy is leveraged against the safety of her family, highlighting the predatory behavior of occupying forces. In the contemporary timeline, Alice's marriage with Wade is explored with emotional depth, including discussions of their past intimacy and current disconnect. While not graphic in its descriptions, the…

Violence is a persistent theme given the setting of World War II, including the brutalization of civilians, displacement, and the terror of living under Nazi rule. The narrative depicts the harsh reality of the German occupation through scenes of public executions, the physical beating of characters like Tomasz, and the systemic starvation of the Polish population. There are descriptive accounts of families being rounded up, the fear of sudden death, and the physical and emotional toll of living in refugee camps…

Profanity is present but used with restraint, generally fitting the emotional intensity of the scenes across both timelines. In the modern sections, Alice uses occasional mild to moderate expletives such as 'shit,' 'damn,' or 'hell' during moments of high stress while managing her son Eddie’s special needs or her husband's distance. The wartime chapters feature harsher terminology used by occupiers to dehumanize the Polish characters, reflecting the verbal abuse of the era. The language is consistent with adult…

Substance use is not a primary focus of the book, but alcohol is occasionally consumed in social settings or to cope with immense emotional distress. In the contemporary timeline, Alice may have a glass of wine to unwind after an exhausting day of caregiving, reflecting a realistic domestic coping mechanism. During the war, characters use home-distilled spirits or limited rations of alcohol to numb the pervasive stress of occupation or to celebrate rare moments of safety. These instances are realistic and…

Central themes include historical trauma, the lasting impact of family secrets, and the struggle to protect loved ones during catastrophic events. The narrative explores the heavy psychological weight of 'silence'—both as Alina's survival mechanism in Poland and Babcia’s barrier to healing in her later life. It emphasizes the contrast between Alice's secure but stressful modern life and the harrowing, life-or-death past that informs her family history. Themes of neurodiversity are also prominent through Eddie's…